Communication with my husband about anything that mattered used to make me want to run in the other direction.
I would try to say stuff, but I would always say it in all the wrong ways and we would just end up:
The good news is, that you can learn skills and concepts that will help your communication and I will teach it all at my online wokshop. Get your ticket www.nicolemathieson.com/communicate
Katie Dean is a woman who gives us permission to be ourselves;
human. imperfect and messy.
Listen as we chat about;
You can find out more about Katie and grab her new book Messy over at www.ktdean.com.au
or on her favourite platform, Instagram @ktdean.com.au
I am back talking to my dear friend and kundalini yoga teacher Sirgun Lindsay German.
Today we are talking about aging gracefully.
What happens to us as women when we are no longer pretty young things? What is our value as an older woman?
How do we handle aging, menopause and growing older with grace?
A letter to your husband with the reason we are not being intimate aka: having (much) sex.
I just wanted to write and let you know a few things that I have been pondering about our sex life.
Firstly, I just wanted to acknowledge you. I know that our sex life is a frustrating area of our relationship for you. I acknowledge that for you, in an ideal world, we would be having sex lots more often. You try really hard to get it right for me, for us and I appreciate it.
I feel for you, I get why you are frustrated and confused and I would love to share more intimate moments with you, which is why we need this chat.
I would love to share with you the reason we are not having much sex.
Do you know why I don’t feel like sex a lot of the time?
I am sure you have pondered this question a lot. Perhaps you have put it down to a variety of conditions such as;
And sure, all of the above have some input.
I truly hope that you do not put it down to something like me not being attracted to you. I know it can seem like that at times, and to be honest sometimes my head tells me that is the case, but it is not the truth.
The truth of why I sometimes don’t want sex is....
Read on here; nicolemathieson.com/why-we-arent-being-intimate/
Does he even care about me? When I ask for more, then he pulls away from me.
As far as the dance of intimacy goes, this is a common relational pattern.
It goes something like this;
You feel like you need more from your partner. More reassurance, care, love & affection and you need this to be okay.
In fact, your need has become a kind of anxiety.
You want him to scoop you up in your arms and reassure you of his love.
But when you ask for this, he just pulls further away from you.
Do you know this dance?
For more: http://nicolemathieson.com/he-pulls-away
Whenever I am feeling stuck or like I am neck deep in the struggle, there is one thing that always helps - listening to some Abraham Hicks.
There is something about the way they continually bring the message back to the simple laws of what you focus on you attract - that reminds me of my power and makes it feel that little bit better.
Which is why I jumped at the chance of interviewing my next guest. Sandi Phillips-Melyer spent nearly a decade travelling with Abraham Hicks's - Esther and Jerry absorbing their wisdom and high vibrations.
And right enough, Sandi was a beautiful reminder of the laws of love and attraction.
We talk about;
- Life with Esther and Jerry on the road
- The key to life being - to be okay with "not feeling good"
- How most relationship drama is the thought "I need you to be different so that I can feel better"
- How every issue we have with other people is the mirror of our own issues
And how every relationship you ever have is designed for you to know more of yourself
Are your lady parts numb?
How much feeling is down there?
Tamra Mercieca is all about self-love, and she means on every level. Which means that Tamra really encourages us to love, and care for our vaginas.
Tamra is the founder of Getting Naked, and Yoga for the Vagina. She is a Relationship and Self-Love Therapist, and an author.
If the idea of getting back into a state of love with your vagina makes you uncomfortable, then this episode is for you. Tamra talks us trhough some of the health issues and benefits of having a healthy loving relationship down there.
We also talk about;
I had a revelation recently, it was that the western culture of sexuality really didn’t suit me. In fact, I am pretty sure it doesn’t suit a lot of us.
What I am talking about is our sexual narrative that sex always has to have the aim of orgasm.
I see it like a train on the tracks.
Once we get on the sex train – which could be in the form of touching, petting and kissing – it feels like there is only one destination; orgasm station.
Are you ready for my first interview in 2 years?! Yes? Good!
If your partner were to feed you eggplant for dinner every night, and you didn't like eggplant, you would say something.
Sadly, we don't feel as expressive in the realms of sex and intimacy. We put up with offerings we don't like, year in, year out, and then wonder why we have "lost" our libido.
In my conversation with inter-personal sex therapist Jacqueline Hellyer, we come back often to the food metaphor, particularly eggplant. I love it! I feel that the metaphor really works. You realise how crazily blocked we are around sexual communication.
I want to talk to you, but I can’t find the words, so I am writing to you instead.
I want you to know that I am thinking of you and us. I know that you may not know this, because there is a chasm between us.
It worries me. We haven’t exactly been very connected lately, have we?
This letter to your husband is generic. It is not a personal letter from me to my husband, but more from every woman to her partner.
Clear out your relationship negativity
When we talk about clearing your relationship negativity, what we are really talking about is clearing your resentment.
So I am going to share with you;
The 3 places where resentment really comes from
The 3 destructive effects of resentment build up on your relationship
3 ways for you to release resentment
"I feel lost in my marriage. I don't even know who I am anymore!"
This is a common cry from women in my relationship coaching office.
Do you feel like YOU in your relationship? Like, really who you are?
It can be easy to lose yourself when you are in a long-term relationship.
It can be hard to tell where you start and they begin.
It can be hard to tell what is changing due to age and maturity and constraints of the family.
It can be hard to know what you really want after so many years of compromise.
You thought you were the only one who was mean to their beloved. Sadly, or perhaps, reassuringly, that is not the case. You are in good company.
Being a bitch to the ones we love is common amongst us women.
It is strange isn’t it, that the ones we love the most, get our most bitchy behaviour.
On some level it makes sense, and we can justify it all, I mean, of course we are going to have moments when we get cranky and let loose. But the problem is that we can get stuck in bitch mode, our relationships festering away without things getting better. This is not good for us, nor is it great for our relationship.
We don’t want to be bitches and we don’t want to push away a good man or a good relationship.
This post aims to help you gain awareness around your relationship "bitch" so that you can feel more in control of your reactions and feel like you are building the loving, safe relationship that you really want.
Understand your attachment style
Relationships can be baffling.
But there is a way to understand why we react the way we do.
In my client sessions, one of the first things we explore are attachment styles. These are learned reactions, behaviours and tendencies that we exhibit in our intimate relationships. When you understand your and your partner’s attachment style, it becomes a whole lot easier to navigate the relationship.
Learn to repair.
If you’re feeling worried about the fights, arguments or tense moments between you and your partner. If they seem to sit there, looming like a big unspoken white elephant in the room, causing even more tension, don’t stress.
All couples argue.
Instead of focussing on avoiding it, focus on repair; the most important skill you can learn in your relationship.