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Relationship-smart women | reconnecting in intimacy

Relationship-smart women want to learn how to transform their intimate relationships. We feel frustrated, disconnected and lack-lustre, but we are done with blaming our partners. We are ready to do our bit to make things better so that we feel more connected, more alive and more truly ourselves. With relationship coach Nicole Mathieson www.nicolemathieson.com
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Relationship-smart women | reconnecting in intimacy
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Now displaying: 2019
Nov 29, 2019

Communication with my husband about anything that mattered used to make me want to run in the other direction.

I would try to say stuff, but I would always say it in all the wrong ways and we would just end up:

  • getting defensive and critical of each other 
  • feeling hurt & misunderstood
  • saying things we wish we hadn't
  • and needing some space to calm down

The good news is, that you can learn skills and concepts that will help your communication and I will teach it all at my online wokshop. Get your ticket www.nicolemathieson.com/communicate

 

Oct 25, 2019

Katie Dean is a woman who gives us permission to be ourselves;
human. imperfect and messy.
Listen as we chat about;

  • The pressure we put on ourselves
  • Katie's journey with breast implants
  • How to embrace life's messiness

You can find out more about Katie and grab her new book Messy over at www.ktdean.com.au
or on her favourite platform, Instagram @ktdean.com.au

Sep 30, 2019

I am back talking to my dear friend and kundalini yoga teacher Sirgun Lindsay German.

Today we are talking about aging gracefully.

What happens to us as women when we are no longer pretty young things? What is our value as an older woman?

How do we handle aging, menopause and growing older with grace?

 

Sep 20, 2019

A letter to your husband with the reason we are not being intimate aka: having (much) sex.

 

Hello honey,

I just wanted to write and let you know a few things that I have been pondering about our sex life.

Firstly, I just wanted to acknowledge you. I know that our sex life  is a frustrating area of our relationship for you. I acknowledge that for you, in an ideal world, we would be having sex lots more often. You try really hard to get it right for me, for us and I appreciate it.

I feel for you, I get why you are frustrated and confused and I would love to share more intimate moments with you, which is why we need this chat.

I would love to share with you the reason we are not having much sex.

Do you know why I don’t feel like sex a lot of the time?

I am sure you have pondered this question a lot. Perhaps you have put it down to a variety of conditions such as;

  • Whether you are wearing your lucky undies or not
  • The exact steps and in what order you take in your sexual advances
  • The words you say or whisper into my ear
  • Whether you have done the dishes or not

And sure, all of the above have some input.

I truly hope that you do not put it down to something like me not being attracted to you. I know it can seem like that at times, and to be honest sometimes my head tells me that is the case, but it is not the truth.

The truth of why I sometimes don’t want sex is....

Read on here; nicolemathieson.com/why-we-arent-being-intimate/

Aug 26, 2019

Does he even care about me?  When I ask for more, then he pulls away from me.

As far as the dance of intimacy goes, this is a common relational pattern.

It goes something like this;

You feel like you need more from your partner. More reassurance, care, love & affection and you need this to be okay.

In fact, your need has become a kind of anxiety.

You want him to scoop you up in your arms and reassure you of his love. 

But when you ask for this, he just pulls further away from you. 

Do you know this dance?

For more: http://nicolemathieson.com/he-pulls-away

Jul 26, 2019

 Whenever I am feeling stuck or like I am neck deep in the struggle, there is one thing that always helps - listening to some Abraham Hicks.
 There is something about the way they continually bring the message back to the simple laws of what you focus on you attract - that reminds me of my power and makes it feel that little bit better.
 Which is why I jumped at the chance of interviewing my next guest. Sandi Phillips-Melyer spent nearly a decade travelling with Abraham Hicks's - Esther and Jerry absorbing their wisdom and high vibrations.
 
 And right enough, Sandi was a beautiful reminder of the laws of love and attraction.
 We talk about;
 - Life with Esther and Jerry on the road
 - The key to life being - to be okay with "not feeling good"
 - How most relationship drama is the thought "I need you to be different so that I can feel better"
 - How every issue we have with other people is the mirror of our own issues
And how every relationship you ever have is designed for you to know more of yourself
nicolemathieson.com/podcasts

Jul 15, 2019

Are your lady parts numb?

How much feeling is down there?

Tamra Mercieca is all about self-love, and she means on every level. Which means that Tamra really encourages us to love, and care for our vaginas.

Tamra is the founder of Getting Naked, and Yoga for the Vagina. She is a Relationship and Self-Love Therapist, and an author.

If the idea of getting back into a state of love with your vagina makes you uncomfortable, then this episode is for you. Tamra talks us trhough some of the health issues and benefits of having a healthy loving relationship down there.

We also talk about; 

  • The relationship with self and its effect on everything
  • The fierceness of boundaries that motherhood brings
  • Having to have strong boundaries with her own mother
  • All the things you can learn from dating
     

www.nicolemathieson.com/ep-32-how-numb-lady-parts

Jul 8, 2019

I had a revelation recently, it was that the western culture of sexuality really didn’t suit me. In fact, I am pretty sure it doesn’t suit a lot of us.

What I am talking about is our sexual narrative that sex always has to have the aim of orgasm.

I see it like a train on the tracks.

Once we get on the sex train – which could be in the form of touching, petting and kissing – it feels like there is only one destination; orgasm station.

http://nicolemathieson.com/revive-get-off-orgasm-train/

Jul 5, 2019

Are you ready for my first interview in 2 years?! Yes? Good!

If your partner were to feed you eggplant for dinner every night, and you didn't like eggplant, you would say something.

Sadly, we don't feel as expressive in the realms of sex and intimacy. We put up with offerings we don't like, year in, year out, and then wonder why we have "lost" our libido.

In my conversation with inter-personal sex therapist Jacqueline Hellyer, we come back often to the food metaphor, particularly eggplant. I love it! I feel that the metaphor really works. You realise how crazily blocked we are around sexual communication.

www.nicolemathieson.com/sex-is-like-food

Jun 24, 2019

Babe,
I want to talk to you, but I can’t find the words, so I am writing to you instead.
I want you to know that I am thinking of you and us. I know that you may not know this, because there is a chasm between us.
It worries me. We haven’t exactly been very connected lately, have we?
This letter to your husband is generic. It is not a personal letter from me to my husband, but more from every woman to her partner. 


www.nicolemathieson.com/chasm-between-us/

Jun 14, 2019

He won’t go to counselling, what should I do?

This is a common tale in the realms of hetero-sexual relationships. The wife wants to go to couple counselling, but the husband does not.

Can it be the other way around? Absolutely it can, but the man not wanting to go, is so common it is worth exploring.

If this is you, I feel for you. This is a horrible situation to be in. You, no doubt, see that your relationship is in trouble and you want to save it by doing the most obvious thing available to you, yet your partner adds insult to injury and refuses. You are left feeling more hopeless than ever about the future of your relationship.

www.nicolemathieson.com

Jun 3, 2019

Clear out your relationship negativity
When we talk about clearing your relationship negativity, what we are really talking about is clearing your resentment.
So I am going to share with you;
The 3 places where resentment really comes from
The 3 destructive effects of resentment build up on your relationship
3 ways for you to release resentment

May 29, 2019

"I feel lost in my marriage. I don't even know who I am anymore!"

This is a common cry from women in my relationship coaching office.

Do you feel like YOU in your relationship? Like, really who you are?

It can be easy to lose yourself when you are in a long-term relationship.

It can be hard to tell where you start and they begin.
It can be hard to tell what is changing due to age and maturity and constraints of the family.
It can be hard to know what you really want after so many years of compromise.

Apr 1, 2019

Several years ago, I was stuck in a dark place in my marriage.

This darkness seeped out as anger – I would storm and bang around the house in a passive aggressive fury, without saying anything to my husband.

It seeped out in my avoidance of intimacy – my libido was non-existent.

It seeped out in my energetic output – he could feel my anger and would respond by being more cautious and standoffish . This made me angrier (and around we would go).

Our marriage was starting to feel more unsafe and less loving – for both of us.

Next steps;

  1. Look at the list above and choose one area that feels like a priority to focus on/ heal/ take your responsibility for.Look here if you need one-on-one help.
  2. Sign up for my 3 steps to stop being a bitch
  3. Read my previous post in the 4-part series: Why do I get so angry at my husband?
  4. For a deeper dive, join my online workshop: "How to stop being a bitch to the one you love"
Mar 24, 2019

It is easy to make sense of this when we are stressed out by life, work, kids and pressure from every direction. Of course, we are going to have moments when we blow our tops.

Is it such a problem? Well no, from time to time this is not a huge problem, especially if you are practicing the art of repair.

The problem is when we get stuck in angry, bitch mode as it corrodes the good feeling of the relationship, creating a lack of safety and trust between you and your partner that can be hard to rebuild.

We want to interrupt our angry ways. To do that we need to take a closer look at the real reasons we get so angry.

Next steps:

  1. Practice pausing and being with your discomfort with the small stuff e.g. You stub your toe or forget to buy milk. Pause and breathe. Get my guided audio; self-soothe after rupture.
  2. Get my 3 steps to stop being a bitch to your partner to interrupt this habit.
  3. Read my post “Why am I such a bitch to the one I love”
Mar 18, 2019

You thought you were the only one who was mean to their beloved. Sadly, or perhaps, reassuringly, that is not the case. You are in good company.

Being a bitch to the ones we love is common amongst us women.

It is strange isn’t it, that the ones we love the most, get our most bitchy behaviour.

On some level it makes sense, and we can justify it all, I mean, of course we are going to have moments when we get cranky and let loose. But the problem is that we can get stuck in bitch mode, our relationships festering away without things getting better. This is not good for us, nor is it great for our relationship.

We don’t want to be bitches and we don’t want to push away a good man or a good relationship.

This post aims to help you gain awareness around your relationship "bitch" so that you can feel more in control of your reactions and feel like you are building the loving, safe relationship that you really want.

Mar 14, 2019

Are you worried that you are damaging your marriage?

You find yourself being mean and bitchy to the one you love. You feel stuck in negative thoughts about your partner.

And you know it is not working for you. In fact it doesn't even feel like you.

You partner may not be perfect, but the last thing you want is to damage the good feeling, love and connection that you have between you.

This post is not focussed on your partner’s behaviour. We are not here to blame, but to do what we can do from our side of the equation to make things better.

N.B: If your partner is violent or abusive in anyway, that is not okay. You need to get help here (AU)

Here are the 10 things that women commonly do that damage relationships. If you find yourself doing all or some of these, perhaps it is time to pause and look at what is really going on for you.

Feb 26, 2019

Do you feel sexy?

In the past I never felt that sexy.

But now something has changed. In fact, at this point in my life I am sexier than I have ever been and it has nothing to do with how I look.

Listen in to find out what changed for me.

Feb 13, 2019

What happens to your relationship when you are tired and depleted. When you feel like all you have done all day, all week, all year is look after other people at the expense of your own needs?

Well, you feel resentful and cranky, don’t you?

In this episode I discuss how to bring more joy into your relationship.

Jan 29, 2019

Understand your attachment style

Relationships can be baffling.
But there is a way to understand why we react the way we do.
In my client sessions, one of the first things we explore are attachment styles. These are learned reactions, behaviours and tendencies that we exhibit in our intimate relationships. When you understand your and your partner’s attachment style, it becomes a whole lot easier to navigate the relationship.

Jan 29, 2019

Learn to repair. 
If you’re feeling worried about the fights, arguments or tense moments between you and your partner. If they seem to sit there, looming like a big unspoken white elephant in the room, causing even more tension, don’t stress. 

All couples argue.

Instead of focussing on avoiding it, focus on repair; the most important skill you can learn in your relationship.

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