Understand your attachment style
Relationships can be baffling.
But there is a way to understand why we react the way we do.
In my client sessions, one of the first things we explore are attachment styles. These are learned reactions, behaviours and tendencies that we exhibit in our intimate relationships. When you understand your and your partner’s attachment style, it becomes a whole lot easier to navigate the relationship.
Learn to repair.
If you’re feeling worried about the fights, arguments or tense moments between you and your partner. If they seem to sit there, looming like a big unspoken white elephant in the room, causing even more tension, don’t stress.
All couples argue.
Instead of focussing on avoiding it, focus on repair; the most important skill you can learn in your relationship.
My guest this week is my friend and client Marianne Buchanan. Over the past 3 years. I have watched Marianne move from attracting relationships that were manipulative and at times violent to a mutual attraction that is beautiful and nurturing. Her relationship attractor field has up-levelled so efficiently and effectively that I couldn’t wait to pick her brains and find out how she did it, and so gracefully.
We talk about:
+ Moving from a religious, traditional marriage – to dating women
+ Healing the relationship with her mother
+ Relationship red flags – what to look for
+ The unspoken and unexpected occurrence of violence in lesbian relationships
+ Marianne’s huge losses of 2016 and how her grief now inspires her and helps her put relationships in perspective
+ The unending benefits of caring for self
For more info go to www.nicolemathieson.com/podcast19
Bryan Reeves refers to himself as the relationship insight ninja and after our chat – I would have to agree with him. Bryan was raised predominantly by strong women, who infused his world with vision and service and left him with a deep reverence for the capacity of women and what they bring to the world. Yet this, for most of Bryan’s adult life did not translate into relationship success. His last 6 years have been committed to exploring his ignorance and searching for the answer to “Why do my girlfriends get so pissed off at me?”. In his search he has had to challenge his approach, in particular his response to dealing with emotions.
Bryan also shares with us:
+ Why boundaries are so important to create the safe container within which we can thrive
+ The three stages of relationship and how we can move out of co-dependency and into inter-dependency
+ How to bring out the best in our men
+ What men really find attractive in women and how we can bring more of it
+ The masculine myth as aposed to the feminine myth and why they really aren’t working for us
For more info go to www.nicolemathieson.com/podcast18
Today's episode of Unbreakable is a little different. I felt the need to talk about the shift in direction for Unbreakable - a direction towards exploring love, intimacy and relationships. To do this, I have invited back my podcast expert friend, Alana Helbig from Untangled.
Alana helps me explore why I believe that as women we need more practical support as we manage the epic, soulful, evolutionary experience that our relationships offer us.
I also share;
- the big crisis / expansion points that have shifted my relationship
-My theory on intimacy and how it triggers us and why this is so often mistaken for us being with the wrong partner
-How marriage as an institution is evolving and changing with the times
-How relationships are like life and death - they don't last forever so we must treasure what we have
-how honesty seems to work and has never let me down
For more info go to www.nicolemathieson.com/podcast17
In this episode of Unbreakable I talk to my beloved Kundalini yoga teacher Sirgun Lindsay- German.
Once a week I show up on my mat in front of Sirgun as she inspires me to push through an entire cycle of mental anguish , physical pain, resistance and surrender and if I am lucky – break through. As we discuss in this interview, kundalini is preparation for life in general and in particular, marriage. Our intimate realtionship are not always going to feel wonderful and expansive – we are not always going to be aligned and connected, we may even be filled with hate and anger at times – but things cycle and process through. If we stick with it we break through. Sirgun has broken through many things – from her reflex to leave when things got tough, to her neediness for love. She finds herself now 17 years into her marriage, with a cheeky rekindling of her love affair with her husband.
Sirgun shares with us:
+ How Kundalini helped her find herself as a new wife and mother
+ Why her children are no longer her priority – her relationship with her husband is
+ Why we can get so triggered by the masculine sun energy and how to love it instead
+ The importance of embracing our feminine moon energy
+ How being passive aggressive made her PMS much worse
+ Her commitment to loving the one she’s with
For more info go to www.nicolemathieson.com/podcast16
A few years back Cassie Mendoza-Jones put her heart, soul, time and money into a big work project. This project came to her easily and felt effortless and joyful. It felt like she was in total alignment, so you can imagine how devastating it was for her when the project did not achieve the success she was hoping for.
In fact this so called failure had her down. Losing faith in herself, her intuition and the universe she was forced to go deeply into her own healing. In this experience she could see how hard she was on herself- how controlling she was of her life and how easy it was for her to get stuck in the “doing” rather than the “being”.
Cassie also shares with us:
+ Why showing up and doing the inner work is much more than just “doing the work”
+ How she has had to redefine goal setting and success so that she is less controlling and more allowing
+ Why allowing things to be as they are, leaves space for things to be even better than you could possibly imagine
+ Why it was just so hard for her to forgive herself and how a health crisis forced her to really go there
+ How her mother first initiated her intuition at a toy shop and how she keeps this alive these days with automatic writing
for more info go to www.nicolemathieson.com/podcast14
Sarah Durham Wilson has had her fair share of moments on the bathroom floor, including one years ago that initiated a full kundalini awakening and her spiritual path into Do it girl.
At the time of this interview, Sarah was there again, in the dark. Darkness initiated, amongst other things, by the loss of her beloved fur baby and navigating motherhood alone.
Sarah doubted whether she could be on a show called Unbreakable whilst feeling so broken, but this is precisely what I love about this episode. She is in it, feeling it all, stripped back to nothing and opening up to us about the experience - the pain, the teachings and the richness. And even there, deep in it, she is able to trust her own unbreakable spirit.
As is always the case in any conversation with Sarah, this interview is laced with mythology, mysticism and imagery that brings her words to life and transports us to worlds and possibilities beyond our own.
Sarah also shares with us:
+ How being in the dark does not mean being in agony
+ The journey of Innana and why stripping back to nothing can be so full of richness
+ The hard learned lesson that nobody is coming to save us - we have to save ourselves
+ The epic journey from maiden to mother to crone and where she is at right now
+ Where she goes to get her guidance in moments of fear - think mystical and magical!
+ Why she is ready for battle and suited up & how activism is no longer a choice
"My libidinous energy is fed when I am connecting with women, my partner
writing or doing something delicious. Giving myself permission to own that this is how my libido works"
Lauren White gives us permission. Permission to tend to the things that we love and trust that the energy of that flows into every part of our life....She says that it is one and the same as our sexuality and that lagging libido is not just about the bedroom. She also gives us permission to change and be fluid. Because, let's face it, that is what it is to be feminine. This interview felt like a huge relief to me. Yes. Thank you. I do not need to feel bad about these things. They are the essence of femininism and the sparks for change that we need to see in the world.
Lauren also shares:
+ The libido crash and crazy hormones that made 2016 her bathroom floor year
+ Mother guilt - as she asks herself "Why aren't I like those other mums wanting to just spend time with my kids?"
+ How keeping her sexual flame alive is not a job segregated off into the bedroom
+ The best sex advice you could ever get - and her reason for not actually giving sex tips
+ How connecting with women is where she finds her inspiration, guidance and her reason for being
+ How marriage is changing and becocming less restrained and inflexible
+ And finally why speaking up is her biggest evolutionary challenge at the moment, and why it is so important for women
For the show notes and more info go to www.nicolemathieson.com/podcast12
In early 2016, Kimberley Kevan and her family were in the throes of a potential financial crisis. They were at a point where a miracle was needed. In this episode Kimmy and I talk about how she found the capacity to stay in her heart and trust her knowing that everything was going to be okay despite what her reality was indicating. In essence this chat comes back again and again to our own power to create an abundant life by trusting our feelings and getting beyond the limitations of the tangible.
Kimmy also shares with us:
+ The transformational support available from loved ones who have passed on
+ The gift in having your back up against the wall and nothing to lose - for her in the form of a massive health crisis
+ How she was able to drop in to her head, get what she needed but not stay there
+ Feeling as the key to a sensual life
+ The 30% rule that keeps Kimmy nourished as a busy mum, wife and health practitioner
+ And did I mention gratitude..…it comes up a lot.
This is a truly feel good episode that got even juicier after we the interview was over - so stay tuned half way through for the added insert where Kimmy and I are having a real heart to heart.
For more info go to www.nicolemathieson.com/podcast11
What is it that your soul is yearning for in for 2017?
In this special episode of Unbreakable, I team up with my good friend Alana and we bring you a soul alignment healing balance to align you to your soul’s desires for 2017.
We put a call out to our communities asking each woman to respond with their soul anchoring word. We collated them all into one powerful statement and then worked together to bring you a collecctive energy healing.
This is powerful for you whether you gave us your word or not. If you can resonate, this healing is for you.
+ The way the heart healing modality works
+ How to centre your energies in preparation for a balance
+ How to feel in to your discomfort and offer presence
+ The powerful healing of being there with your heart
For more info check out www.nicolemathieson.com/podcast10
Imagine life as your canvas, but instead of having a clear plan that you stoically cling to, you let the art unfold and evolve as you go. When you start worrying and contracting in fear, wondering if this is it or if you are good enough, you remember, it is only paint- it is not life or death.
Flora Bowley artist, visionary and teacher, lets her brave intuitive painting style inform not only her art but her life as well - her art being the muscle building ground for a life less scripted.
And people love it.
Not only is Flora a successful artist in her own right, but she has found her purpose in leading thousands of women on their own brave intuitive journeys.
Flora also shares with us:
+ The gifts for everyone in asking for help
+ The courage of asking " is this still working for me?"
+ How just like people, paintings need to go through something uncomfortable to have depth
+ Why being stuck is such a great sign - this is a beauty!!
+ Why it is okay and actually quite revolutionary to allow yourself to constantly change
For more info go to www.nicolemathieson.com/podcast9
Where there is life, there is hope
At the tender age of 25, whilst living on the other side of the world, away from the loving arms of everyone she knew, Kathy Gardiner was given the news that she had cancer - or to be more precise, melaoma. For Kathy, her bathroom floor moment was more of a cry her eyes out on the London overland train in front of a lot of people.
What entailed was a decade of highs and lows on the rollercoaster ride of life-threatening illness. But what shines through with crystal clarity is the unbreakable spirit that has been honed and polished in the process.
Kathy also shares with us:
+ The importance of trusting your gut instincts - throughout the journey
+ The big shifts and changes that she has made that have helped her feel more in control
+ How she learned to honour herself, her choices and her desires, even in the midst of big medical decisions that impacted all her loved ones
+ Her incredible stubborn as a mule fighting spirit - which tells her that where there is life, there is hope
For more info go to www.nicolemathieson.com/podcast8
This daily practice that has changed my life. It has helped me find my very own unbreakable spirit. The part of me that cannot be diminished by whatever is going on in the world or in my life. The part that I can turn to when I feel lost and broken.
This practice has given me so much, so I felt like sharing it with you.
It is a daily practice called “I am now”. A practice of knowing yourself as the presence rather than your identity
The benefits of I am now:
+ A strong connection with my heart
+ Getting space from the stress and pressure of life
+ A bucket load more confidence
+ A hearty relaltionship with my soul
Take the time to tune in and the benefits start to flow in.
For more information go to www.nicolemathieson.com/podcast7
You are young, you are married, everything looks perfect…. yet in your heart you know something is not right.
This was the situation for this week’s unbreakable guest, rockupuncture founder Keri Krieger. There was a part of her asking “Why would anyone in their right mind tear this apart” but deep in her heart there was a still, spacious knowing that her marriage was over.
Keri had spent so much time outside of herself, looking after the partnership and the needs of her husband, that she had lost connection with who she was. She explains that she had to “slowly start pulling my life apart until who I was and where I was at matched”.
Keri also shares with us:
+ The hunger that she needed to explore and follow – sometimes down some unwholesome alley way
+ The belief systems she had in her marriage that led to such a state of disconnect
+ Her choice to believe in something bigger than her
+ How these days she manages to open her heart to love in a wholehearted way
Whole hearted love is a possibility with yourself, your partner and life.
For more info go to www.nicolemathieson.com/podcast6
“Ask your heart, does this make me expand or shrivel? – it will tell you”.
These are some wise words from my this week’s episode of unbreakable where I chat with medical doctor, naturopath and healer Dr Rach Wyndham. Rach is currently working with the dying in palliative care. A position which she admits she absolutely would not have been able to undertake before her bathroom floor – or in her case – locked in the stores cupboard moment. You see, before that Rach was trying, like a lot of us, to control things – her life, other people’s feelings, the health of others but mostly her own inner world. Now, Rach is taking the time to ask her heart what it wants/ feels / needs. She is committed to feeling it all and finding her truth – as a woman, a mother and of course as a medical practitioner.
Rach also shares with us:
+ how she found her hearrt in a world that was all head
+ her heart’s desire for freedom and what that looks like
+ why we have so much anxiety and depression ….. Clue -it’s our heart!!
+ the benefits and the challenges of finding space
+ why she treats her heart like it’s a toddler
For more information and the resources mentioned go to:
"I didn't know how to exist beyond our relationship"
The soothing music used in the Unbreakable podcast is the work of this week's guest, Tahlee Rouillon. Tahlee is the creator of the beautiful, healing meditation music over at Sonesence. Listening to her music makes you feel like angels are holding you up; an incredible coping tool for anyone on the bathroom floor. But the amazing thing is that if it weren't for her devestating break up, Sonesence would not be in existence today. From the ashes of that break up, Tahlee discovered her creative genius and has inspired and helped thousands of people with it so far.
Tahlee also shares with us:
+ how utterly devastating this break up was for her and why
+ how taking responsibility for her part in the relationship break down has led her to feeling so much more secure in herself
+ the similarities between the healing process and her creative process
+ her intimate relationship with her spiritual guide and how it has been her greatest support (this is just beautiful)
For more information on the resources in this podcast go to www.nicolemathieson.com/podcast4/
In this episode of unbreakable I call on the expertise of podcast interviewing queen Alana Helbig to turn the questions over to me. Alana asks me for my bathroom floor story but I simply can't be limited to just one!!
In this interview I share:
+ The moment where the tension became so intense that my body cracked and I was forced to face my fears and look within
+ The shame shit storm that led me to the break down and where it came from
+ What exactly I was so afraid of.
+ A much more recent bathroom floor moment I had with my husband and how it led me to the decision to rise up strong NOW.
+ My view on the healing power of being present with feelings.
+ Plus Why I am so passionate about bringing these stories to the world in the form of this podcast.
So much gratitude to my podcast mentor Alana for bringing her skills to this space. It feels really great to be one of the stories here.
In this episode of unbreakable I speak to Sydney based artist and long-time friend of mine Susie Dureau. Thirteen years ago Susie gave birth to a beautiful baby girl named Eva, only to lose her a few hours later. The worst thing you can possibly imagine happening happened.
In this interview Susie tells us;
+ how she navigated those first moments of coming back into life without her baby
+ how her connection with Eva has changed over the years from sadness into something inspiring and beautiful
+ what to do and say when someone you love is going through great loss (we need all the help we can get)
+ how her creativity gave her an outlet and haven from her pain
+ and how she has changed and grown in ways she never would have expected
This episode is full of grace and hope.
In this very first episode of Unbreakable I interview my podcast coach and good friend Alana Helbig. When I first met Alana she had just ended a five year relationship that she was numbing the pain of with drugs and alchohol. But It wasn't until she found out that her ex had fallen in love just a few short months later that she cracked.Broken, lost and so unsure of who she was in the world she turned up at my clinic door. In our chat Alana shares with us: + How she made the journey - from dark & broken to soul-guided + How her soul offers her hope and where she finds that hope + How it is not always easy and how the human part of her puts up a fierce fight Plus her soul connection secrets. If you are lost, broken or stuck in the darkness, this one is for you.